Happy Birthday Matthew

Wow, it's been six years already. I can still remember the day. It started out so wonderfully, took an awful turn, and then ended up even better than I could have ever imagined. After the first induction didn't take (they needed the bed so they sent me home after 7 hours of trying) and I went home feeling like a total failure ( who doesn't have a baby when they are induced?)I was looking forward to try #2. Actually I was doing just about anything to go into labor with no luck. Ten days after my due date, 8 hours and way too much pitocin later Matthew arrived via emergency C-Section. I can say with pride that I do know what hard labor feels like..I decided to do the natural thing and never progressed far enough for the epidural but instead got the off the monitor contractions 1 minute apart that about did me in (thanks pitocin) which dropped Matthew's heart rate which created a scene out of one of any given medical dramas in which the room is flooded with people and there is yelling and commotion. Because I didn't have the magic epidural I got the sleeping gas instead so my first views of the little guy were through a drug-induced haze. I laugh now but for a while I was convinced that I had given birth to the worlds ugliest baby. Thankfully the fog cleared and a few hours later when I was finally able to hold him I decided that he was indeed a beautiful baby. So much has happened since that day. I would have never guessed that by the time this child celebrated his first birthday we would move from Michigan back to South Dakota , he would soon be a big brother (4 months later), and my plans of going back to work would be put on hold for years. Fast forward to now and it still amazes me how much he has grown and matured. For those of you who are keeping track of these things..yes this is yet another Matthew post. I really do love all my children and don't play favorites . Matthew's nickname is "God's Revenge" I say that with a smile because my mother always told me that she hoped someday I would have a child just like me. Although he isn't JUST like me he does challenge me more than I would want. We have very similar personalities and he has the most uncanny ability to push every one of my buttons. It's like he has a radar and it is zeroed in on my moods. I have some very colorful stories that I share from time to time and people just shake their heads. That being said he has also taught me so much and has made me try my hardest to be the best mother to him that I can be. My road through Motherhood has hit a few rough patches and detoured in spots never expected. There really is unconditional love between a mother and a child. This bond is always under fire and tested by those unknown and unexpected outside forces. I have had many people tell me what a good mother I am and how hard it must be to have children with special needs. While it is a nice compliment, I'm not any different or better than they are. To me Matthew is normal (Carolyn too). I never saw him as different in any way and I don't see him as being different. While I would never wish Autism on any parent, having a child or children diagnosed with the disorder can be the best thing to ever happen to that bond. Yes, there is a lot of heartbreak and frustration but truth be told, some of the most loving and devoted parents I have met have been those who have children diagnosed with some sort of Autism Spectrum Disorder or any other developmental disability. As a parent, I have had to work twice as hard to get Matthew to the point where he is today. One of the greatest upsides is that I have spent so much more time with my child than I would have if he were "normal". There are days when I'm ready to sell him (and/or his siblings) on eBay and take "time outs" in my bathroom while counting to 1000 I still wouldn't trade Matthew in for all the money in the world.

Carolyn wants me to say that she is "cool" and she is looking forward to her birthday. See, I do have more than just Matthew.