Yeah it's over!!!!

When I last posted a few days ago I was sicker than a dog and stressed as all heck....but not anymore. The first day of school (Thursday) went very well so there goes that stress. I also made a Dr. appointment and got some antibiotics but thankfully did not have strep. Hubby made me a chiropractor appointment that same day so I got everything re-aligned. I spent the evening watching the color belts test for their next rank. It felt very strange sitting there watching and not participating knowing that in a few short days I would be the one being tested. On Friday I had a massage scheduled. I got it as an anniversary gift from the loving husband. I also gave him one too so we both benefited from an hour of muscle relaxation. Later that evening we went and did a quick run-through practice of things before taking the kids out for pizza and going to one of the local arcades for some video game fun.

Saturday finally came and so did the butterflies. I decided to skip extra sleep and do my Weight Watchers meeting...I did not lose but did manage to pick up almost a pound. Maybe I should have stayed in bed. After breakfast we decided to do one last go over things practice. We literally walked through our techniques lest either of us injure a body part or fatigue ourselves too soon. We decided to treat the kids to Happy Meals, a rare treat for them since I refuse to buy them when we do eat there. The running joke was "should we get the Big Mac meal or go to Taco John's and get the bean burrito grande?" Yeah like we were actually going to consume hundreds of greasy gassy calories hours before a serious physical and mental challenge. We opted for sub sandwiches and fruit smoothies instead. At this point I gotta give a shout out to Bolthouse Farms fruit smoothies. I didn't realize at the time how important this drink was but it was totally worth the $3.00 price.

Fast forward a few hours and hubby and I are dressed and ready for part one of this test. We had been told that the run was a mile but our sheet said one and a half so we trained for the longer distance. I'm very glad we did because the route we were given was a mile and a half. I finished in 19:23. I probably could have gone a little faster but I didn't want to waste all my energy on the first event of the day. After I finished I had about 5 or 6 minutes to change out of my sweaty running clothes into my uniform. I changed and chugged half of the remaining smoothie and some water and off I went into the next part. I was given push-ups first. Thankfully they did not have to be knuckle but I did have to go down and touch my chest (thank goodness I've got boobs) to a 4-inch high pad on the floor. The person who was watching/counting for my was my first instructor. She told me she wanted 20 push-ups. Oh great, now I've got to do 20. I managed 24 in my minute. I had to stop there because I was to the throw up point. After that came sit-ups. I did about 35. I really hate squats and once again you are supposed to touch your butt to the 4 inch pad but it if you don't quite make it that's ok as long as you go at least 90 degrees bend. I managed 29 of those. The hardest was the wall sit. I'll admit that when I practiced this I was a little more upright than the 90 degree angle required. Unfortunately for me when it came time to test I was close enough to the Master Instructor and my former instructor that there was no faking a 90 degree sit. My happy place was Bill Cosby and Jell0 Pudding Pops (don't ask) and I made it.

By this time the first hour had pretty much passed and we got a quick 3 minute break to pee and hydrate. I was covered in sweat and boy was it hard to get the uniform down and up and back into place since it was sticking like crazy to me. I also managed to chug more of my smoothie---best decision I made that day. Part two was the showing of the patterns, techniques and oral testing. There were three of us testing that day. Out current instructor was testing for her 2nd degree and the hubby and I were testing for our first. There were two other Black Belts assisting for the majority of the test. One was our former instructor who was a 2nd degree and our current instructor's husband who just tested for his first degree three months earlier. Over the next hour and a half we kicked, punched, yelled, and tried to do everything we learned the past two years with precision and perfection. There were times that we got a few minutes to catch our breath while the two other people were busy but for the most part it was go go go. If you have ever seen a martial arts type of movie or an episode of "Walker, Texas Ranger" you would be familiar with the speed of what it was we were doing. Chuck Norris or Jackie Chan don't punch and kick in slow time, they get in and wham wham wham the bad guy is on his (or her) butt. You go as fast as you can for as long as you need to. Some things he decided to time us on so we had to do 7 or 8 techniques in less than a minute and one of the things we did was called 21 movement and that meant 21 moves but black belt time is 12 seconds or less. I'm so glad the stopwatch malfunctioned because I don't think I was at 12 seconds but I know it was close.

I should mention that while we were doing this part of the test there were no water or potty breaks. At one point I lost my voice( I was still recovering from the sore throat) and had to do a series of movements that required a loud yell every move. The best I could do was a squeak-like sound that I hoped could be heard over the other two who were doing the exact same thing with me. I actually lost my voice several times but yelled as if I had working vocal chords. I'm sure the Master Instructor appreciated my efforts.

When we were preparing for our first test back two years ago we were told that our Master Instructor is big on manners so make sure to say "sir"every time he talks to you and bow often and be polite. This has served us well. I know that some of the extra chances I got to re-do a flub up were in part because I do say sir and I also for some strange reason thank him every time he tells me to show him something or do a board break. At one point the 3 of us testing responded to something we were told to do but our holders did not say anything...they were given many knuckle push-ups as a reminder. Another piece of advice we were given was when we were asked to show a technique, even if we did not remember it we should at least do something. Standing there was bad. In a real situation, if you stood there and someone threw a punch or attacked you with a knife and you did nothing, you'd be either hurt or dead. This stuck with both myself and the loving husband. As the test wore on and we began to feel the effects of fatigue and dehydration, remembering things became a little more difficult. During one series known as knife attacks I had problems remembering what to do each time my attacker came at me so I did almost the same thing each time..usually sweeping the guy down and trying to clear the knife. The funny thing is I totally forgot to do the correct sweep when I was supposed to do a sweep. Hubby showed off a really stunning set of moves during another series when we were being choked by an attacker. After the second time he did it wrong our Master Instructor commented that while very impressive, it wasn't the technique that was taught. As far as the oral testing...whew. He asked very few questions and did not have us repeat our memorized phrase. I'm thinking that was because we did know our techniques so well and we demonstrated good manners so he did not feel the need to find out just how much oral stuff we knew.

When we finished all of our performance techniques, it was time for the board breaks. Another quick two minute or so break to hydrate....yeah!. At this point we had been going for close to two hours and were soaked with sweat. My legs were the consistency of rubber and my brain the consistency of chicken soup. The last few jumps I did were a real struggle to get off the ground and get the leg up for the kick and I was talking out loud just so I could remember what to do. Now it is well known that board breaking is not one of my favorite things to do. I mentioned in my last post that I lacked that ability to just go up and break the board. My first break was a turning side kick through 2 boards. I was very happy to get this one. It took all 3 tries but I got the break. My next break was the infamous self-hold knife. I hold the board in one hand and chop it with my other hand. I tried but could not get the board to cooperate. The third one was in the air turning side kick. That meant jumping and turning 180 degrees and kicking the board with my back foot while still in the air. I got that one on my third try. My fourth break was 3 boards and I was supposed to break it with the palm of my hand. I've never done that break before so I gave it 3 tries but no luck. My fifth break was the 360 degree jumping ax kick. I was supposed to jump and turn all the way around and kick my leg straight up and bring it straight down and break the board that was held at least waist high. This one was a doozy. My IQ was now that of a flatworm so I could not figure out which way to turn much less how I could get my leg up and over the board without hitting it first or the person holding. It took several minutes of me looking like a drunk sailor and at one point attempting the break, landing on the my ankle wrong and falling on my butt as my other leg slapped the side of the board. My third attempt was successful. My last break was the twin kick. That meant kicking two boards-one on each side-while both feet are off the ground. I successfully did the break at my last test but unfortunately my uniform was sticking to me so badly and my legs were so tired I could not get my knees up high enough to generate the speed needed to kick the boards. I gave it three good tries but no luck.


Due to my wonderful performance on the physical fitness part of the test I earned an extra try at missed techniques and board breaks. I was given a 10 minute practice period and then allowed to re-try. The missed patterns and kicking techniques went OK. I still screwed up but I think he saw me do them correctly when I was practicing. As for the board breaks....Self hold knife, nope. I hate that break. I got a reprieve from the 3 board break when our Master Instructor had a change of heart and decided that maybe some of the breaks were too difficult for us so I only had to break 1 board. Unfortunately for me I still did the break wrong and just smacked the board instead of breaking it. Even more frustrating was after receiving the feed back on where I was supposed to hit the board I said "like this?" and smacked it correctly and of course it broke. I might have gotten credit if I had yelled when I broke but since I didn't then it did not count. DRAT!!!! The twin kick break also did not go my way...stupid wet uniform.

When everything was said and done, all of us did remarkably well. We aced the physical part and the technique part of our tests. Hubby also couldn't get his twin kick to break and our instructor missed several of her breaks as well. The rule is that in order to receive the belt at the end of the test all boards must be broken. While none of us got the pleasure of wearing our new belts we were comforted in the knowledge that all we need to do is make the breaks. I have three weeks. When I next attempt to do them it will be on a night when I'm not physically and mentally exhausted and I'll have the strength and brains to do them.

We ended our evening at a little dive bar in Brookings. Myself, Jim, our instructor, her husband, and our former instructor eating frozen pizza and sharing our experiences. I'm not a beer person but I will say Coke never tasted so good. It's over and I'm glad. I have pushed myself to the very brink of what I can endure. There is no one who can say that I did not earn the right to be called Black Belt.