Yeah Me!!!

Thursday was T-Day or test day for the loving husband and I. As I have mentioned in previous posts, we have been practicing our butts off for this one. Normal time between tests is usually 3-4 months depending on when our master instructor can make it down from North Dakota. I'm not quite sure exactly when we tested last but I'm pretty sure it was in November. Silly me I assumed that the holiday season would mean that we would do testing sometime in February. WRONG! We were informed at the beginning of this month that the test would be the last Thursday of the same month. Needless to say we had our work cut out for us. As upper belts, more is expected of us than when we were in the lower ranks. We have more complex techniques to learn and we are expected to be able to do any of the previous techniques that we have learned. Combine that with difficult board breaks, any manner of physical fitness testing and required knowledge of Korean terminology and the result is one mother of a test. This test did not disappoint. We knew going in that the test to Red Belt was going to be tough since this is the last belt before testing for the Black Belt. The kids class was testing before the adults so I planned on arriving and dropping the kids off around 7:30. Hubby had called earlier in the evening to let me know that his plane had landed and he was going to be able to help out with the kids testing. We were both worried that he might be late to our test so this was a real relief. I got there and got the kids off OK and then warmed up and waited for the test to begin. The hardest part for me is the waiting. I have horrible test anxiety and have on many occasions worried myself into a tizzy during this time--I know it doesn't take much. Not having the hubby there also makes things more difficult in terms of me calming down since we are the only two Brown Belts. I have no one to help me review the stuff one last time. Fortunately, the class is composed of a great bunch of people so there was much lighthearted bantering going on amongst those of us waiting outside the testing area. Nerves on edge, I decided I needed more hairspray which brought laughs from the males. Hey, I did not want my hairstyle to come undone in the middle of the test. Last test I lost half of my braid and it was flopping in my face: very annoying. This test I skipped the braid and went for the ponytail. After returning from the locker room (hairspray is provided) I felt quite confident that there would be no floppy hair. I really drew the laughs when someone commented on whether or not I had spent time earlier in the day painting my toenails. Of course I did. I have to do the test barefoot so I'm not going to have naked toes or chipped polish. I will admit that it was my nerves that were making me a little more neurotic than usual. The kids test went late as expected so we didn't get started until around 8:30. I had seen a little bit of the kids test and knew that our Master Instructor was in a physical fitness kind of mood. The upper belts had spent time doing push-ups, sit-ups and other tasks while they were waiting for the lower ranks to do their stuff. I was hoping that he would be merciful to us---NOT! We started out the test by all of us doing our pattern at the same time. Not a big deal, I do patterns really well and don't get screwed up when several people do different patterns at the same time I'm doing mine. We were also informed that Brown Belts were to keep moving at all times during the test. This meant there was going to be no real rest period for us while the lower ranks were testing. OK, I can handle this.... We of course were the first up to do our techniques. We had one set of 30 that we needed to do, another set of 6, and a third set of 7 completely different combinations of blocks, kicks, and punches. To keep things straight we have nicknames for about 90% of what we do. This comes in really handy when one forgets the technique. A quick whisper from the pad holder or person next to you is usually all it takes. Hubby and I are known for our colorful and sometimes R-rated nicknames. I will admit that my use of the nickname "fake it" sounds dirty but actually is a song in my ipod That particular sequence involves faking the kick and then doing the kick for real. One nickname that we did not make up but decided to use was the term "Chuck Norris" to describe a low fist to the groin area followed by the same hand backfasting the person in the face Ala Chuck Norris. I was pretty nervous that I would have a massive brain fart and totally forget my stuff or my anxiety would get a hold of me and I'd get the deer in the headlight look and freeze up. I'm happy to say that did not happen. It sounds strange but if I think about what it is I'm doing then I usually screw up. What I have to do is go on autopilot and just do the technique, kinda like a dancer remembering his or her routine and doing it without thinking. Once we finished then the hard part began. We were instructed to go down to knuckle push-up position and stay there. Knuckle push-up position is hard enough as it is but we were on a hardwood floor, no mat. While we were in that position, the lower belts did their testing. I will come out right now and say I'm a total wuss. I do not like pain and I do not like sweating for extended periods of time. Holding myself up in that position for an extended period of time was not fun. I decided to do the one hand knuckle one hand flat and alternate hands technique after it became apparent that we were going to be there for a while. I'm so glad I lost three pounds last week. For those who want six-pack abs, just go into the push -up position and hold it there. I'm not sure how long we were there (at least 10 minutes) but it felt like forever. After an eternity he decided that we should do jumping jacks--oh goody. I did not even bother to count them. Let's just say when you are doing jumping jacks for 10-15 minutes straight there is no need to count. Actually, the calf cramps got to me so I alternated between jumping and twisting side to side and running in place. Poor hubby also had to do his Hapkido test so after he had us stop the motion hubby got to spend the next 10 or so minutes doing that test. I spent my time pacing back and forth--we were supposed to keep moving and I did not want to get consequenced for not doing so. After he finished it was time for the breaking. The nursery was due to close so I excused myself and got the kids. We had arraigned for our babysitter (she's a member of the Wellness Center) to meet us and keep an eye on the kids for the last part of the test since it is very difficult to watch kids and break boards at the same time. Hubby and I were last to go. I knew there was going to be two breaks and I knew that one of them involved concrete but that was all I knew. Hubby went first. Our break was a twin kick. There are a few ways to do this one. One can jump up like a cheerleader doing the splits and break the boards , one could run forward and jump and kick through the boards as seen in cheesy Kung-Fu movies, or one could stand there and do a front jump kick with each foot and break the boards. Hubby and I chose method number three. The only rule of the break is that both feet must be off the ground for the entire break. This one was a little tricky for the hubby. He would break the first board with one foot but not break with the other foot. It took about three tries for him to succeed--very unusual. It was my turn next. This is a hard break but for some reason this one did not freak me out like the previous ones did. My first attempt broke the left board but not the right, DRAT! My second attempt was a success. Both boards snapped in half and I jumped up and down screaming with joy. I also got a hug from hubby. Next up concrete. There were supposed to be four paving bricks ( not the really tiny ones , the kind you use as edgers in the garden or landscaping) but one had gotten broken accidentally while we were setting up. This setback threw our Master Instructor off a bit since he had in his head how he wanted usto do the break. OK, Plan B. Poor hubby, he got to do the "Kill Bill" break. Two slabs were placed on top of each other with spacers and he was supposed to punch through them. He only was given the distance from the tip of his fingers to a closed fist to do the punch. In other words put fingers down, curl into fist and punch, just like in the movie "Kill Bill" After several painful tries, he managed to break the top brick. It was my turn next. I have never broken concrete before so I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. My break was the karate chop through one brick. To do this successfully requires using the whole body and body weight, not just an up and down arm motion. After getting a few pointers from the Master Instructor I was as ready as I could be. Once again I should have been totally freaked out by this break, I mean the self-hold knife break really messed with me but I wasn't feeling the fear. My comment as I began was something to the effect of "Well , what the heck, here goes". Much to my complete and total surprise the brick broke in half and almost landed on my foot. I really wish someone would have had a camera and taken my picture at that moment because I'm sure I had this totally stunned look on my face. I got a big hug and kiss from the husband. My hand didn't even hurt. I guess when you do the break right it doesn't matter what it is you are breaking it doesn't really hurt. Hubby had one more breaking attempt and this time it was same punch but no space between hand and brick. Just put fingertips down and punch. The difference between the two breaks was in the first break, Jim could curl his fingers up into a fist and then punch down and in this break he had to curl his fingers into the fist while punching through the brick. Sorry to say that after several painful attempts by both hands he was forced to stop. He was given one last chance with a different break---the head break. A towel was placed over the brick for some cushioning and he was given instructions on how to correctly do the break without injuring himself. Thankfully he broke on the first try. Finally and hour after we first started the test we were awarded our Red Belts. I'm going to be sooo sore in the morning.

For those who watch the Disney Channel there is a character named London Tipton played by the actress Brenda Song who's catchphrase is "yeah me" so that is where the title comes from.