What have I gotten myself into ?

A few weeks ago I received a letter in the mail from the Clerk of Courts concerning my upcoming jury service. The letter informed me that I had been selected to participate in a trial and that even though I was not scheduled to began my term I was needed to appear in court on the last day of March. I called the number and asked if I needed to arrange child care for the first few days of April and was told that this date had to do with the selection process so it was unknown if I needed to arrange anything for later in the week. All I knew was that I had to show up and it would take an hour of my time.

When I got to the courthouse I found my way to the jury check-in room. There were probably about 30 of us. We sat and waited until we were called. I was hoping that it would not take very long since I had not arraigned for any after school care for Matthew and Carolyn. My assumption was that some poor soul got stuck with an April 1 trial date and they wanted to get a jury seated but the March people were already done so they needed the April people to show up.

Soon the Clerk of Courts stepped in an informed us that we would be leaving shortly to go up to the courtroom. The judge had some instructions to give us. We were to return back to this room when we were done and fill out yet another information form. We were also given a sheet of paper instructing us to show up on Wednesday, April 7 at 8:15 am. We were told to expect to stay the morning and possible into the afternoon. She also said we did not have to call in on Friday since the sheet given to us was our next week's assignment. Soon afterwards we lined up and went upstairs to the court room.

I have never really been inside a courtroom. I've been in courthouses and when I worked at Eagle Village I had to transport kids to court hearings but I usually didn't sit through them. I was surprised at the number of people that were there. We were told to raise our right hands and then sworn in. After that the judge came down and introduced herself and explained to us what was expected of us.

I was sitting there wondering if this was in fact the normal way things are done when one does jury duty. Were these people going to ask us questions now or were we just here to get sworn in so we could start our jury duty the next day? The judge started by letting us know that we had been selected to participate in this trial and that we would be sitting in judgement of one of our peers. She then went on to tell us that this individual was accused of the crime of second degree murder and second degree manslaughter.

At this point my brain was going WHAT THE !!!!!!! and I'm pretty sure my face had the "oh @#%$" look. As the judge continued, I learned that not only was this a murder trial, the victim was only 16 months old. Once again .."oh #$%@" Leave it to me to not only get stuck on a murder trial, but one with a very young victim.

We were instructed by the judge not to discuss anything about this case to friends or family. We could not read about or watch any media coverage of this case and we were not to look it up on the Internet. We were also instructed not to try and visit the crime scene or do our own investigation. We were told that we, the potential jurors were going to be broken up into smaller panels and then questioned the next week (oh, that's why I have to show up on that Wednesday). After we left, we went back down to the jury room and filled out our form. I left most of mine blank. I really didn't know what to put down. My brain was in a state of total shock. I was able to fill out the part letting the court know that I did not personally know any of the individuals participating in this trial.

After I got done, I handed in the form and left. I picked Andrew up from the daycare and made arrangements for the next Wednesday and told them I might be gone all day so expect all 3 kids. It was pretty hard not saying much to the loving husband. I e-mailed him to let him know that I needed him to do a kid drop off the next week. I did tell him what the trial was and the age of the victim but that was all I said.

I spent the rest of the week asking myself it it was even possible for me to sit on this jury. I am a mother and all of my children are relatively young. Andrew is only 3 so I do remember what 16 months looks and feels like. Could I not only sit in judgement of another person, but could I put my personal feelings aside and fairly look at all the evidence and make a decision? I decided to do the only thing I could. I asked God.

Sometimes God asks us to do things we are not comfortable or wanting to do. I really really did not want to go through this type of trial but how was I to know if this wasn't a task God needed me to perform? It would be so very easy to make a snap judgement and say no, this person is guilty because he is accused of a terrible crime. However, if it was me that stood accused, wouldn't I want a group of people willing to hear my side before jumping to conclusions? I told God that if this was something He needed me to do then I would do it. If this was part of His plan then there really was nothing I could do to stop it . After that, a sense of peace came over me and I was able to focus on other tasks at hand and make preparations for the next week.

Holy Cow!!! What have I got myself into????