Congratulations sweetie, I'm so (sob) happy for you.

Well this past Friday was our chance to re-test and earn our black belt. As I mentioned in my previous post about our testing we are allowed to re-try those board breaks we missed during the test and if we make the break we get the belt.

Our former instructor was going to be teaching a class in Brookings and wanted us to do our board breaks that night. This is a class that all adult and Jr. black belts are invited to attend. A select few colored belts are also invited. Because myself and hubby are still red belts but tested for the black we were eligible to attend. I had actually gone up to Brookings two weeks earlier for class and the loving husband volunteered to watch the kids since we got too short of a notice to find child care. Thanks to my wonderful sister-in-law we were both able to attend this time.

Also attending class that night was our current instructor and her husband, along with another black belt from our class. Unlike the last class where I was the only Sioux Falls student (and oldest participant) there were 5 of us and hubby was now the oldest participant. It was nice to have familiar faces.

The class was 2 hours and we practiced techniques that I knew and learned some new ones. Although not as intense as testing, we still had a workout. It was fun and there was much laughter. At the end of class we were allowed our re-tries.

Hubby had one break to do..the twin kick. That is the one where you have to break 2 boards without letting your feet touch the ground between kicks. Hubby's first try broke the right board but not the left and his second try broke the left but not the right. I could see the frustration on his face and I was worried that he might not get it on his last try. With a lot of effort and determination he broke on the third attempt. Oh, I was so happy for him. I jumped up and hugged him.

My turn was next and I had to do that same break. Unlike the loving husband who hates this break and struggles to do it, I don't mind it. The only reason I couldn't get this one during testing was my legs were too tired and my uniform was sticking to me which made it difficult to get the strength and speed to do the break. I also was too brain dead to remember how I did the break during my red belt test. Anyway, I lined the boards up, took position, and nailed it on my first try. One down, two to go. My next break was the evil sadistic self-hold knife. I hold the board with one hand and strike it with my other hand. My first attempt did not go very well and my nerves started to get the best of me. My former instructor was oh so supportive and was giving me encouragement but I kept telling her I could not do the break. I was telling her that because my my body was shaking so bad I could not hold the board. Even the loving husband could see my hands shaking and he was several feet away. Thankfully Miss Jen decided to let me do the other break and come back to this one. My third break was the palm strike through the board. This was the break I missed at testing but then when I was told what I did wrong I corrected it and broke the board but did not yell so it did not count. After a few minutes of instruction on how best to do this break I made my first attempt. It would have worked great except for the fact my belt somehow got in the way and the end of it was on the board so when I smacked it my hand hit soft cotton instead of hard wood...oops. My second try was much more successful. Two down one left.

Officially we get 3 tries to break the board. Since out Master Instructor was not present the rules could be bent a little. I was having a very difficult time getting the mechanics of this break down. I made several attempts with no luck and then in an attempt to bolster my confidence, Miss Jen gave me a smaller practice board to try to break. She was hoping that if I broke the little board I would break the big board. Several tries at that was still not very productive. She then decided to show me how to do the break by doing it herself. She tried but could not get her board to go either...so much for the "I'll show you how" technique. Finally she said that I got one more try. If I didn't get it then I had to wait until the next time she was in town to teach class. I grabbed my board, took position, shut my eyes, and smacked the thing with all I had in me. The sound echoed all though out the room.


IT
WAS
STILL
UNBROKEN

Miss Jen did check for cracks but there were none. The only thing broken was my heart. I wanted so much to make this break. I wanted so much to stand there amongst my husband, friends, and peers as an equal, a Black Belt. I wanted so much to finish what I had started, to finally achieve what I had worked so hard these past two years for. I wanted that same rush of adrenaline and excitement that Jim had felt earlier. I wanted to be done with that break.

Instead, I watched as my loving husband stood and got his belt. I tried to smile. tried to be happy for him. I clapped and hugged him and told him I loved him and that I was so proud of him. I meant every word I said. Inside I was dying, all I wanted to do was be alone and let the tears fall. The pain was so much more than the obvious physical pain of repeatedly hitting a solid wooden object. It was the internal emotional type. The kind that teams feel when their opponent scores the winning point(s) in the final second or a candidate feels after losing a very close election. I felt like the worlds biggest loser.

Afterwards, the other members of my class came over to console me and to remind me that they too had problems with this same break. My current instructor in a wonderful attempt to cheer me up informed me that none of the other ladies present made their breaks and got their belt on the first re-try so if I had gotten my belt "then we'd have had to kill you" ( cheerfully said of course) My former instructor told me that next time I do the break I get my 3 tries and if I don't make the break then she tries and if she fails I get as many re-tries that evening as it takes for her to break her board.

It's taken a few days but I'm OK with myself. I did skip my Weight Watchers meeting though. I decided that I could not handle any more disappointment this weekend. I don't know if I lost or gained any weight but I really did not want to sit through a meeting if I either did not lose anything or gained and have to clap for those members who met weight loss goals. As for my hand...well it's pretty sore. The whole side of my right hand from pinkie to wrist is swollen and blueish. I don't think I broke anything but I bruised quite a few things. I'm hoping that in a few weeks I can re-try my break. And this time

I WANNA BREAK THAT %^#!*$@ BOARD!!!!!!!